This is me freaking out again because I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Everything I do seems so meaningless. I know I’m doing fine. I know there are a lot of people who strive to be where I am right now. That’s not the point. I constantly feel like a failure because I never reach the standards I set up for myself. My best is not good enough because I have never given anything my best effort. My friends are accomplishing so much their freshman year of college, and I’m just stuck with nothing. All the decisions I make seem to be the wrong ones. It’s been a year since my decision to attend my university, yet I’m still not sure I made the right decision. I got accepted everywhere I applied; why am I here? Why are my achievements not getting recognized? Why have I not made any achievements worth being recognized? I am not even talking about other people recognizing them. I feel like I have wasted my entire life and not amounted to anything. Am I not smart enough? Have my years as a primary school overachiever ruined my life? This is the real world, but I still want to be at the top. I. Am. So. Lazy. I was not made to work myself over; I need my sanity and my ability to breathe. I do not know what is wrong with me. I am starting to think I was not cut out to live the life I want to live. I do not know if I will be able to live if I do not accomplish what I want to accomplish. I am losing my ambition, and my ambition is the only thing I have left.